MR PORTER
I spent four years in-house as MR PORTER’s main sub-editor, having been promoted from mid-level to senior after only eight months in the role. I acted as a guardian of the MR PORTER tone of voice and sub-edited 90+ menswear product descriptions per day, covering hundreds of luxury brands including Bottega Veneta, Givenchy, Gucci, Prada, Saint Laurent, TOM FORD and Versace.
BALENCIAGA I LOVE DOGS T-SHIRT
Pre-edited copy:
Without having to shout 'I love Dogs' from the rooftops, Balenciaga's tee is an ideal way to pledge allegiance to your favourite furry friends. Printed with a handmade collage featuring the design team's pooches, it's cut from lightweight cotton-jersey in an oversized fit.
My edits:
You may want to shout 'I LOVE DOGS' from the rooftops, but Balenciaga's tee is the ultimutt (sorry) way to pledge allegiance to your favourite four-legged friends. Printed with a collage featuring the design team's pooches, it's cut from mid-weight cotton-jersey in the brand's signature oversized fit.
Editing notes:
The edited intro flows a little better
The capitalisation in ‘I love Dogs’ was a little strange – it felt better to emulate the case on the T-shirt (particularly in the context of the sentence)
This is a very playful piece and we can afford to push the copy further (particularly for a brand like Balenciaga), hence the wordplay
The T-shirt was mid-weight, not lightweight
NIKE POLO SHIRT
Pre-edited copy:
Nike's Swoosh has been a part of the brand since 1972 - it was originally penned by Ms Carolyn Davidson while studying at Portland State University (who, incidentally, only invoiced $35 for it). It's embroidered onto the chest of this simple cotton-piqué polo shirt, making it instantly identifiable.
My edits:
Nike's 'Swoosh' has been a part of the brand since 1971 – it was originally sketched by Ms Carolyn Davidson (who, incidentally, only invoiced $35 for it) while studying at Portland State University. It's embroidered onto the chest of this simple cotton-piqué polo shirt, making it instantly identifiable.
Editing notes:
‘Swoosh’ needs to be in single quotation marks per house style
The ‘Swoosh’ debuted in 1971, not 1972
There’s a dangling modifier in the original copy – it was Carolyn Davidson who only invoiced $35 for the logo, not Portland State University
MAISON MARGIELA TABI BOOTS
Pre-edited copy:
'Tabi' boots have become Maison Margiela's most recognisable design - they were Mr Martin Margiela's interpretation of the split-toed Japanese tabi sock. For the latest version, off-white paint has been poured down the breathable linen uppers and narrows into droplets towards the stacked heels. The concealed hook fastenings ensure a snug fit.
My edits:
The 'Tabi' boots debuted as part of Mr Martin Margiela's first collection in the late '80s and have since gone on to become the house's signature; at the show, the designer coated his models' shoes in red lacquer so the unusual silhouette imprinted on the white runway. For the latest version, paint has been poured down the linen uppers and narrows into droplets towards the stacked heels.
Editing notes:
Adding the information about Margiela’s first runway helps to contextualise the paint on these boots
The edited copy tells more of a story
STÜSSY SHORTS
Pre-edited copy:
Stüssy's shorts are reminiscent of the brand's SoCal character. They're made from black cotton-twill with an integrated belt. The knee-grazing hem is embroidered on one side with the brand's logo.
My edits:
Stüssy's shorts are the epitome of the brand's skating roots. Made from sturdy cotton-twill that'll withstand kickflips and ollies, they have an integrated webbing belt and knee-grazing hems, one of which is embroidered with the label's scrawling emblem.
Editing notes:
There’s nothing wrong with the original copy, I just think the edited copy better speaks to Stüssy as a brand
The edited copy is more conversational